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I have a language question:

If you were talking about the Interstate 10 highway, which one of these would you say:

"There is a terrible traffic accident on I-10."
"There is a terrible traffic accident on the I-10."

Apparently putting 'the' in front of freeway numbers is just a Southern California thing? But I could swear I heard Arizona people doing it as well.
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A person I have known online for years and also met and hung out with in real life just found out I have never been in the military, and said he was “flabbergasted."

I was like for real bro

I cry when the guy yells at me during the obstacle course in Call of Duty
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Awww yeah guys

I have to think of a column name. Anyone got any suggestions??
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Me: Self, you have work to do. Everyone is going to think you are unreliable if you don't finish your work. You will die a miserable failure.
Me: Why yes, I do feel like watching more Bollywood videos on Youtube, thanks for asking.

This one is my favorite right now BTW

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5 Awesome Things With Inexplicably Bad Reputations

Read it, it has GUNS. And SPACE. And SNAKE OIL.

Actually the very nice associate editor of Collector's Weekly, Lisa, liked something on this LJ and emailed me with an interesting article about the history of snake oil, and said I should use it in an article. I agreed that it was interested and said I would. That was like... over two years ago now? That's how long it took for the little notebook page with "SNAKE OIL??" on it to fill up with enough entries to make an article out of.

More work goes into this stuff than most people think, yo.
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Yes I know that they are not all fonts. Fun fact: titles are often changed by the site editors, and then the writers get about 800 messages saying "ONE OR MORE OF YOUR LIST ENTRIES WAS NOT A REAL FONT/ACTOR/MOVIE/MONKEY OMG DO YOUR RESEARCH" come on people really it's a title the point is to be short and interesting and get you to click on it no one is trying to hurt you

I have a bad wrist right now and can't type please read it I love you
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Me: Honey will you go out and see if you can get the bed cover to fit on the truck again so we can move stuff across the country without people stealing it?

Husband: Sure!

(10 mins later) Me: *looks outside* *husband is outside cleaning the truck*


Me: Can you move the books in the spare room out into the living room so the movers know which ones to take with them?

Husband: Of course!

(10 mins later) Me: *looks outside* *husband is outside cleaning an axe with a hose*

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Here is an excerpt of something I wrote recently:

Then I think I went outside and there were zombies. But then we were in the city and there were people walking around and Target was open. I said "Is Target open during the zombie apocalypse?" and another person said "Yeah, didn't you see the news?" Then President Obama came and gave a speech from a second-story window about how he didn't care anymore and his handlers had to eventually come and drag him off. During the speech this homeless guy opened a chest he had on the ground and pulled out a shotgun. I was like "You can't just pull out a shotgun while the president is giving a speech, the secret service will shoot you!" and he gave me a look like he'd just realized this.

FOOLED YOU! That is not from my new novel at all, it is from a dream journal.

I keep thinking of taking this thing over to Tumblr, but the format there kind of scares me. Also the people. I mean Livejournal has some interesting characters, but I am afraid if I hang around Tumblr too long I will start being like DO SPARKLY SHOES APPROPRIATE VAMPIRES?

[Poll #1926143][Poll #1926143]
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  • America would not be happy with me when I tried to come back

  • America probably thinks I am a kidnap risk

  • I would possibly get arrested for espionage

  • Possible lifetime airport molestation

  • Would hurt husband's career/security clearance

  • Also I would turn gayer again

Oh and I don't have any money
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"Music-thanatology is a professional field within the broader subspecialty of palliative care. It is a musical/clinical modality that unites music and medicine in end of life care. The music-thanatologist utilizes harp and voice at the bedside to lovingly serve the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of people who are terminally ill or dying, and their loved ones, with the prescriptive delivery of music."

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Not many people have heard of the parathyroid glands! So I will educate you the best way, through blingee. The parathyroid glands are the four little bean-shaped things covered with vampire sparkles.

This is a view from the back of your neck. The lump thing behind the parathyroid glands is your thyroid. Despite the name, the parathyroids are not related to the thyroid, although some lucky people (like me!) have problems with both.

The thyroid gland controls your metabolism. It's the gland that people who hate fat people like to ignore, so that they can pretend that all fat people just need to eat more lettuce! This is called the just world hypothesis.

The parathryoid glands, on the other hand, control the amount of calcium in your blood. I bet you didn't know that blood calcium was so important that it needed its own gland (or four of them), did you? Well, neither did I a year ago! But actually, having the wrong level of calcium in your blood can ruin your life quicker than a face tattoo that says "YOLO"!

In real life, the four parathyroid glands are about the size of a grain of rice. Sometimes (and nobody knows why) one of the glands will decide to step out and do its own thing, and will start growing and growing until it becomes a tumor (a tumor relating to the endocrine system is also called an adenoma, which is Greek for "hahah your doctors won't believe you"). The good thing about these tumors, if tumors can have a good thing, is that they are hardly ever cancerous. The bad thing about these tumors is that the tumor-cells are still doing what the parathyroid cells do, which is producing a hormone that raises the amount of calcium in your blood. This will lead to abnormally high blood calcium, called HYPERCALCEMIA.

This is the fun part! Because, did you know that a small increase in one electrolyte in your blood can lead to a whole bunch of problems that seem completely unrelated, like depression? Well, you do now! And this means that you are now smarter than most doctors! Even the really attractive ones on TV!

Anyway, the main problem with hypercalcemia is that the main symptom is fatigue. This is a problem because most people don't believe "fatigue" exists and that you just have to exercise more and eat more blueberries, even if you f**king love blueberries. This is one of the many reasons that parathyroid tumors are underdiagnosed. Another reason is that the tumors are sometimes hard to find, because they're hiding behind the thyroid gland. But it's really important to diagnose them, because eventually you will get osteoporosis and cancer and you will die!

So, LJ readers, this is what you must take away from this: if you ever hear a friend complaining of the parathyroid-related symptoms below, you should tell them to get their calcium tested. You should also tell them to not listen to the doctor if s/he says that high calcium is normal, and to instead get themselves to an endocrinologist. The responsibility is on YOU, LJ readers, because if you've reached this far in this entry you now know more about parathyroid tumors than the average primary-care physician.

Besides fatigue, the symptoms are:

Anything related to fluid regulation, like extreme thirst, frequent dehydration, going to the bathroom to pee too much, etc
Bone pain/osteoporosis (this happens because your blood thinks it needs LOTS OF calcium, and SUCKS IT FROM THE BONES ew)
Lack of concentration/memory loss/generally acting like you have mild Alzheimer's

Watch out for them, LJ! The future is in your hands!
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I was going to write all the details here but I'm not sure people actually read LJ anymore and I'm still too drugged up on Vicodin anyway, so maybe later.
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"If the Pope was simply losing energy, then he could have eliminated his globe-trotting, slimmed down the unmanageable mushrooming Vatican bureaucracy (or simply ignore it), and GOVERN (which includes sending a network of loyal lieutenants to execute consequences when his directives are ignored or contradicted)."

Yes, obviously all illnesses suffered by 85-year-old men are minor and you should just buck up and carry on - I mean how hard is being the Pope, anyway?

(I have nothing to say about papal abdication, BTW. The "sickness doesn't count" reactions that I've seen are the part that is striking to me)

People are still really really cartesian when it comes to illness. Someone close to me kept telling me that I should try Antidepressant X even after I told him that the actual doctors were saying that my depression was probably being caused by the fact that I have hypercalcemia and so antidepressants were useless. After a while I figured out that he was interpreting this information as "you must be feeling really gloomy about the fact that you have hypercalcemia! And you just have to cheer up!" I had to actually sit him down in front of an OFFICIAL WEBSITE saying HYPERCALCEMIA PHYSICALLY CAUSES DEPRESSION and it TOTALLY BLEW HIS MIND.

I am not really sure how there can be this acknowledgement of like, Alzheimer's and drunkenness on the one hand, and this idea on the other hand that apart from those the mind is this snow-white realm that cannot be touched by things like illness and sleep deprivation and so forth. And that we should all just soldier on and make important decisions because anything else is for quitters.

The weirdest thing about this is it seems like lost knowledge - like, the humor theory of depression was obviously not very scientifically accurate but as a conceptual metaphor it's a lot closer than what we have today.
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And here's "O Come O Come Emmanuel" in Icelandic:

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[ profile] anastasis: tell me what to write back to this german lady and the iranian lady who wrote to me

[ profile] mercyorbemoaned: you could use [daughter]'s words to me just now

[ profile] mercyorbemoaned: "I yuv you, you are so great and awesome"

[ profile] anastasis: I don't think it's the same when someone who isn't 4 says it

[ profile] mercyorbemoaned: for the German add "do you miss Jews?"

[ profile] mercyorbemoaned: for the Iranian add "tell me about your bomb shelter"

[ profile] anastasis: STOP IT
sephira: (Default)
2-3 slices hard salami  +
1 Laughing Cow original creamy Swiss cheese triangle, squished with knife  +
2 lightly salted rice cakes

= deliciousness

June 2016



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