sephira: (Default)
I thought I'd start posting a bit more here, even though it's Livejournal and there are probably only 6 people reading it anymore and 5 of those are Russian spambots that have secretly gained sentience somehow. I planned and tried for a long time to do everything I used to do here on Tumblr, but it's never quite worked out, because whenever I write something on Tumblr I just get afraid that someone is going to reblog my post with a note underneath proving that what I wrote was racist, because this seems to comprise about 80% of the activity on Tumblr (the rest is porn gifs).

Anyway, I thought I'd start with a link to one of my favorite short horror stories, Thurnley Abbey. I post it here because it's become apparent that it's one of those hipster horror stories that no one has ever heard of. Whenever someone writes an introduction to it they always talk about how super mega anthologized it is, and yet even the people I know who own a whole shelf of horror anthologies don't seem to have read it. I'll put the reasons I like it under a cut, because it's online behind that link and you really should read it before I spoil it for you. GO READ IT NOW.

Read more... )
sephira: (Supernatural: 80's pr0n stars)

It took some persuasion to watch this movie because a) the “found footage” genre was done to death about four years ago and b) I’ve really gone off horror lately and movies in general really. But, you know, it's Norwegian, and it's apparently getting remade as an American movie soon, and I'm a hipster, so I had to watch it so that later I could look down at people for not seeing the original beforehand like I did.

I was pleasantly surprised, because for one, this is not in fact a horror movie. It has horror elements, but it’s not horror. I’m not sure how I would describe it actually. Action? See, I found parts of it quite scary, but that’s only because I was scarred in childhood. Little books should not be given books illustrated by Kittelsen and then taken to places called "Troll Mountain"! Even if it’s part of their ethnic heritage!

Anyway, so this movie manages to get around the found footage cliché. To describe how exactly it does this would spoil much of the fun in the movie, a lot of which comes from the unexpected. I'll just say that my personal favorite part was how Scandinavian the whole thing was.

Spoilers )

sephira: (Justified: door)
(Image from here.)

This is the continuation of a review of Zombie Moon, the latest in zombie-themed romance novels.

So, at the end of Part I, we paused with our hero and heroine starting on a roadtrip to Texas from somewhere that isn’t Texas. Today I want to begin with this wonderful conversation that takes place at a truckstop, when hero Caleb "Lab Cock Lee" Locke realizes that the strong, independent heroine is being attacked by zombies offscreen:

He shoved his laptop into the trucker’s hands. “Anything happens to this I’ll kill you.”

The trucker opened his mouth, but Caleb pulled a knife from his bag and poked the tip of the blade into the man’s gut. “Do you believe me?”

The man’s eyes shifted to the side. Caleb poked him again. “I don’t have time for you to act brave, or think about calling for help. Just know if when I come back, my laptop isn’t safe or there’s some other unpleasant surprise waiting for me, I’ll track you down and leave you in such little bits even the zombies won’t bother with you.” Then he slipped the knife into his sleeve and sprinted from the restaurant.

Listen, douchebag, in the time it took you to have your little homoerotic knife conversation, you could have gone after her and killed twelve zombies already. I guess you don’t want to get brain splatters on your ‘Hack The Planet’ stickers or anything.

This strange character dichotomy continues. )
sephira: (Justified: door)
(Image from here.)

This is the continuation of a review of Zombie Moon, the latest in zombie-themed romance novels.

So, at the end of Part I, we paused with our hero and heroine starting on a roadtrip to Texas from somewhere that isn’t Texas. Today I want to begin with this wonderful conversation that takes place at a truckstop, when hero Caleb "Lab Cock Lee" Locke realizes that the strong, independent heroine is being attacked by zombies offscreen:

He shoved his laptop into the trucker’s hands. “Anything happens to this I’ll kill you.”

The trucker opened his mouth, but Caleb pulled a knife from his bag and poked the tip of the blade into the man’s gut. “Do you believe me?”

The man’s eyes shifted to the side. Caleb poked him again. “I don’t have time for you to act brave, or think about calling for help. Just know if when I come back, my laptop isn’t safe or there’s some other unpleasant surprise waiting for me, I’ll track you down and leave you in such little bits even the zombies won’t bother with you.” Then he slipped the knife into his sleeve and sprinted from the restaurant.

Listen, douchebag, in the time it took you to have your little homoerotic knife conversation, you could have gone after her and killed twelve zombies already. I guess you don’t want to get brain splatters on your ‘Hack The Planet’ stickers or anything.

This strange character dichotomy continues. )
sephira: (NAVY GIRL)
So this is only, like, about 2 weeks late, because I've been so enthralled in Zombie Moon. But here it is: 


We visited this place while on the way down to China Lake. It was built by Sarah Winchester, an heiress who was apparently crazy into spiritualism was told by a medium that if she ever stopped building on her house, the ghosts of all the people killed by her late husband's rifle business would come haunt and/or kill her. So she kept building for decades and decades.

You’re probably thinking ‘You only went to that house because it relates to Supernatural somehow’ but you know, you would only be PARTIALLY right. Creepy houses are cool in their own right and THIS ONE HAD A GUN MUSEUM ATTACHED, come one. Actually I think my husband enjoyed the place more than me because really I find spiritualism bad creepy, not good creepy. The idea that dead people have nothing better to do than hang around visiting rich people with too much time on their hands is really scary.

More. Plus lots of desert-related serial killers. )
sephira: (NAVY GIRL)
So this is only, like, about 2 weeks late, because I've been so enthralled in Zombie Moon. But here it is: 


We visited this place while on the way down to China Lake. It was built by Sarah Winchester, an heiress who was apparently crazy into spiritualism was told by a medium that if she ever stopped building on her house, the ghosts of all the people killed by her late husband's rifle business would come haunt and/or kill her. So she kept building for decades and decades.

You’re probably thinking ‘You only went to that house because it relates to Supernatural somehow’ but you know, you would only be PARTIALLY right. Creepy houses are cool in their own right and THIS ONE HAD A GUN MUSEUM ATTACHED, come one. Actually I think my husband enjoyed the place more than me because really I find spiritualism bad creepy, not good creepy. The idea that dead people have nothing better to do than hang around visiting rich people with too much time on their hands is really scary.

More. Plus lots of desert-related serial killers. )
sephira: (Supernatural: Sam shotgun <3)
1. Why do you think zombie movies are so popular this last decade?

2. Do you think the zombies represent or symbolize anything?

3. What do you think about this?

Anonymous opinions are welcome!

sephira: (Supernatural: Sam shotgun <3)
1. Why do you think zombie movies are so popular this last decade?

2. Do you think the zombies represent or symbolize anything?

3. What do you think about this?

Anonymous opinions are welcome!

sephira: (Supernatural: 80's pr0n stars)
If you're one of those people that likes to stay up late and scare yourself with stuff on the Internet, here's a wide variety of links in celebration of the approach of Halloween! Note: obviously most of these are linked because of creepiness, not authenticity; I'm not that gullible, not since I bought that fake gypsy curse off the Internet.

This page contains a collection of Youtube ghost videos that the writer swears are scary, and also not those videos were they try to scare you by someone screaming at the end. I have so far been to cowardly to confirm.
This is a really well-done creepy Youtube video. Um. I couldn't sleep after watching it maybe.
✚ Do UFOs freak you out? Then this is the thread for you! (The comments also contain a link to a recording of what happened when one guy apparently decided to fly over Area 51)
Halloween on Cracked!
✚ Um, this is the creepiest thing I ever saw on Australian television. 
✚ More good links here at another LJ!
✚ ETA: via [livejournal.com profile] bettytron2000, the only manly way to carve a pumpkin
✚ Via David Wong, The 9 Scariest Short Internet Films. I couldn't make it past #3.


Also, If you are looking for a good movie to watch for Halloween this year, I will once again recommend Trick R Treat, because it's a) really good b) very clever, especially if you avoid spoilers and c) actually relates a lot to Halloween, unlike that other famous horror movie set on Halloween. You know, the one about the guy killing all those people on Halloween, on the anniversary of that other killing that also happened on Halloween. I think it was called "The Psycho Killer That Couldn't Slow Down."

Also a safety announcement: here is what to do if you are affected by real-life ghosts or demons!
sephira: (Supernatural: 80's pr0n stars)
If you're one of those people that likes to stay up late and scare yourself with stuff on the Internet, here's a wide variety of links in celebration of the approach of Halloween! Note: obviously most of these are linked because of creepiness, not authenticity; I'm not that gullible, not since I bought that fake gypsy curse off the Internet.

This page contains a collection of Youtube ghost videos that the writer swears are scary, and also not those videos were they try to scare you by someone screaming at the end. I have so far been to cowardly to confirm.
This is a really well-done creepy Youtube video. Um. I couldn't sleep after watching it maybe.
✚ Do UFOs freak you out? Then this is the thread for you! (The comments also contain a link to a recording of what happened when one guy apparently decided to fly over Area 51)
Halloween on Cracked!
✚ Um, this is the creepiest thing I ever saw on Australian television. 
✚ More good links here at another LJ!
✚ ETA: via [livejournal.com profile] bettytron2000, the only manly way to carve a pumpkin
✚ Via David Wong, The 9 Scariest Short Internet Films. I couldn't make it past #3.


Also, If you are looking for a good movie to watch for Halloween this year, I will once again recommend Trick R Treat, because it's a) really good b) very clever, especially if you avoid spoilers and c) actually relates a lot to Halloween, unlike that other famous horror movie set on Halloween. You know, the one about the guy killing all those people on Halloween, on the anniversary of that other killing that also happened on Halloween. I think it was called "The Psycho Killer That Couldn't Slow Down."

Also a safety announcement: here is what to do if you are affected by real-life ghosts or demons!
sephira: (Supernatural: 80's pr0n stars)
Okay, I must admit that I only watched this documentary because a) People were messaging me telling me that they talked about a Cracked article I had written in it, and b) I was on a plane (I checked to make sure no small children were sitting behind me first, don't worry!). BUT, it turned out to be so much better than I had expected that even after that part was over and after my laptop battery ran out on the plane, I voluntarily watched the rest of it at home, even though it's over three hours long. If you're interested in horror and/or how movies get made, it's worth a watch. I think documentaries like this are a good antidote to people who have no idea what actually goes into making a movie, and therefore assume that everything bad that happens to their favorite franchise is not caused by filming problems/budget restraints/studio interference/bad luck but by personal malice directed against them. (Note: I am often one of these people.)

Some interesting things I learned from the movie:
  • One of the rejected scripts for Freddy vs Jason was actually co-written by Ronald D. Moore. Yes, that one. Imagine how that would have turned out. Do we want to know?
  • Peter Jackson wrote another rejected script for NoES 6, which from the sound of it probably would have sucked (I never liked his horror, TBH)
  • The pre-release press conference for Freddy vs Jason was actually better than the movie itself.
  • One of the potential endings for that movie was pretty much awesome beyond words, but was killed because New Line didn't own the rights to a particular character (no, not Ash, although anything involving him was killed for the same reason). WHY DO THEY MOCK US BY TELLING US ABOUT WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, WHY.
  • Despite the franchise containing gang rape, evisceration, people getting their faces cut off and um, graphic stuff I won't go into here since it's not behind a cut, the one thing any of the producers expressed reservation or regret about allowing onto the screen was a female victim calling Freddy a 'fag'. Interesting priorities, America! It kind of reminds me of one time when I was channel flipping and caught part of a version of Pulp Fiction where they'd left in the stabbing and male rape scene, but had carefully censored out every mention of the word 'bitch'. 
sephira: (Supernatural: 80's pr0n stars)
Okay, I must admit that I only watched this documentary because a) People were messaging me telling me that they talked about a Cracked article I had written in it, and b) I was on a plane (I checked to make sure no small children were sitting behind me first, don't worry!). BUT, it turned out to be so much better than I had expected that even after that part was over and after my laptop battery ran out on the plane, I voluntarily watched the rest of it at home, even though it's over three hours long. If you're interested in horror and/or how movies get made, it's worth a watch. I think documentaries like this are a good antidote to people who have no idea what actually goes into making a movie, and therefore assume that everything bad that happens to their favorite franchise is not caused by filming problems/budget restraints/studio interference/bad luck but by personal malice directed against them. (Note: I am often one of these people.)

Some interesting things I learned from the movie:
  • One of the rejected scripts for Freddy vs Jason was actually co-written by Ronald D. Moore. Yes, that one. Imagine how that would have turned out. Do we want to know?
  • Peter Jackson wrote another rejected script for NoES 6, which from the sound of it probably would have sucked (I never liked his horror, TBH)
  • The pre-release press conference for Freddy vs Jason was actually better than the movie itself.
  • One of the potential endings for that movie was pretty much awesome beyond words, but was killed because New Line didn't own the rights to a particular character (no, not Ash, although anything involving him was killed for the same reason). WHY DO THEY MOCK US BY TELLING US ABOUT WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, WHY.
  • Despite the franchise containing gang rape, evisceration, people getting their faces cut off and um, graphic stuff I won't go into here since it's not behind a cut, the one thing any of the producers expressed reservation or regret about allowing onto the screen was a female victim calling Freddy a 'fag'. Interesting priorities, America! It kind of reminds me of one time when I was channel flipping and caught part of a version of Pulp Fiction where they'd left in the stabbing and male rape scene, but had carefully censored out every mention of the word 'bitch'. 
sephira: (Supernatural: 80's pr0n stars)
Like the Bible Experience, only better. And the Bible Experience had Samuel L. Jackson as God, so... well, maybe not that much better. In fact, probably not as good at all. Sorry.

SPLOILERS )
sephira: (Supernatural: 80's pr0n stars)
Like the Bible Experience, only better. And the Bible Experience had Samuel L. Jackson as God, so... well, maybe not that much better. In fact, probably not as good at all. Sorry.

SPLOILERS )
sephira: (Edward)
My husband is now the only dude I know who sat through the movie Teeth without turning it off. I am going to make him a little medal.

Speaking of which, I kind of feel bad now about how non-sympathetic I was to dudes and their reaction to that movie, because I recently found the female equivalent of watching that movie. It is this book. It does not have an Amazon reviews because everyone who was reading it died.

Never, ever read it. I was like in the second chapter and I got that dizzy feeling and smell like you're going to faint (am I the only one that happens to? Like you're about to faint and it feels like you're smelling something?) and I had to put it down and just sit there for a while taking deep breaths. Now the book is just sitting on my shelf. I don't know what to do with it because I don't want someone to come across it and read it by accident. Maybe I will burn it tomorrow instead of the Koran.

The only other book that has made me feel physically sick and/or lightheaded was the birth scene in Breaking Dawn.
sephira: (Edward)
My husband is now the only dude I know who sat through the movie Teeth without turning it off. I am going to make him a little medal.

Speaking of which, I kind of feel bad now about how non-sympathetic I was to dudes and their reaction to that movie, because I recently found the female equivalent of watching that movie. It is this book. It does not have an Amazon reviews because everyone who was reading it died.

Never, ever read it. I was like in the second chapter and I got that dizzy feeling and smell like you're going to faint (am I the only one that happens to? Like you're about to faint and it feels like you're smelling something?) and I had to put it down and just sit there for a while taking deep breaths. Now the book is just sitting on my shelf. I don't know what to do with it because I don't want someone to come across it and read it by accident. Maybe I will burn it tomorrow instead of the Koran.

The only other book that has made me feel physically sick and/or lightheaded was the birth scene in Breaking Dawn.
sephira: (Supernatural: So We Meet Again)
FROM THE INTERNET. THANK YOU, INTERNET:

"Q.
Why are people so afraid of sharks?

A. Sharks attack from below and behind, while our monkey ancestry has taught us to prepare for danger from ahead and above. Sharks strike while we are naked in the water. There are no trees to climb, no rocks to throw, no sticks to brandish. The tropical ocean is a warm, saline environment where gentle waves mimic the mother's heartbeat heard from inside the womb. The shark is a mobile vagina dentata cruising the amniotic seas, slinking up from the dark abyss to bite the swimmer in half and vigorously shake the bloody remains."
sephira: (Supernatural: So We Meet Again)
FROM THE INTERNET. THANK YOU, INTERNET:

"Q.
Why are people so afraid of sharks?

A. Sharks attack from below and behind, while our monkey ancestry has taught us to prepare for danger from ahead and above. Sharks strike while we are naked in the water. There are no trees to climb, no rocks to throw, no sticks to brandish. The tropical ocean is a warm, saline environment where gentle waves mimic the mother's heartbeat heard from inside the womb. The shark is a mobile vagina dentata cruising the amniotic seas, slinking up from the dark abyss to bite the swimmer in half and vigorously shake the bloody remains."

June 2016

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